I don't know what I was expecting to hear, but it wasn't that. Hell, I know what I've been wanting to hear, been waiting to hear, and he hasn't said it. Hasn't even hinted at it. There's been nothing in Lex's words tonight that speaks of love for me. Apparently, it's all been about saving his soul. Nothing else.
And maybe that's something I've feared all from the beginning. The way he looked up at me beside the riverbank; the expression of awe on his face when I first visited him in the mansion. The need to possess. His words bring a new understanding to me of why he's had so many problems with Superwoman - in his mind I was meant to save him, and no one else. I've always belonged to him, and I can't deny that. Destiny seemed to dictate that. I guess I just always thought that there was something more on his part, something deeper, something that bound him to me other than desperation.
I should have known. Hell, maybe deep inside I always have known. It took forever for Lex to say he loved me in the beginning, and even then, I wondered if he knew what those words meant. It's not his fault. The only people that ever loved Lex in his life ended up hurting him, and maybe somewhere along the way, his heart simply decided that love wasn't important. If he denied it, then it couldn't hurt him.
But it's hurting me. It always has. Because maybe I've loved him too much.
Or not enough.
All of this flashes through my mind in an instant, and I'm left asking myself the most important question: What does it mean? Does it truly matter if Lex loves you? I once promised him that I had enough love for both of us, and maybe I do. Maybe that's what being a hero means - giving of yourself selflessly, expecting nothing in return. At least, it's my interpretation of hero. I'll have to tell Bruce someday. I think he'll laugh at me.
Is saving Lex enough for me? Yes. A thousand times yes. He may not love me, but he needs me. And that's more than I could have ever hoped for.
Leaning up, I curl my hand around the back of his neck and gently tug him closer.
"You have always been worthy of saving, baby," I whisper, pressing my forehead against his. "And you always will be. Nothing in this world, or any other, can keep me from watching over you."
"I want to believe that, Angel," he replies, finger reaching up to stroke the curve of my collarbone.
Ever feel like you're constantly running into a brick wall? Is all of this damage my fault? God, there's a world of self-loathing just waiting to be released, but I can’t let it go. Not when Lex needs healing. Not when he’s so closely within my reach.
Lex comes first.
I cup his face, thumbs softly moving over his porcelain skin. "Then believe it, Lex. Believe me."
I'm losing him. Just as I feared, I'm saying all of the wrong things, and I don't know how to stop. Is there a right thing to say to Lex? Has there ever been? I’m beginning to not think so.
"You have to believe in something, baby," I plead with him. "Or else, what is left for me to save?"
He stares at me silently for a long moment, silver eyes roaming over my face. Quietly, he finally replies, "I believe in you."
My breath catches in my throat at his words and I feel tears spring to my eyes once more. Maybe they weren’t words of love, but they were close enough. If this is all he has to give, I’ll take it. It’s more than I ever dreamed of.
Biting my lip, I smile and whisper, "I believe in you, too, Lex. And I believe in us. I always have."
Pulling back a little, I pause, considering my next words. "You say that Superwoman has always been a part of me, and maybe that's true. Maybe I can accept that but... " I glance down between us, shaking my head. "I don't exist without you."
I lift my eyes back to him, holding his gaze. "The day I first came to this planet was the first time that we touched. And when I was reaching that turning point in my life of truly becoming a part of this world, of becoming an individual, you were there again, and we touched.
“You have always been a part of my life, Lex. An essential, unforgettable, beautiful part of my life. One that I can’t live without, one that I don’t want to live without any longer. I have no reason to care about Superwoman or the world if you're not a part of that.”
Taking a breath, I move back in to Lex, taking a chance and brushing my lips softly over his in the briefest of kisses.
"The world should be jealous of you, Lex, not visa versa. Because I would never give you up for the world. But I would give the world up for you."
My fingers move over his cheeks, touching him, cherishing this moment of closeness. "Don't you understand? I would kill or die for you, Lex Luthor. And nothing you say or do or even think is ever going to change that."
And there are no strings attached.
I'm not even going to ask for feedback considering how restless you natives are getting...